Fifteen years later and I was still drowning in the shame of a terrible porn habit.
I figured if I installed a few internet filters, found accountability partners and made a few high-stakes promises to God, my behavior would change in no time.
Each one came up short.
Free for a couple of days, then another slip.
Free for a week, saw something triggering on social media, slip again.
Free for a month, one weak moment, back to square one.
My ministry and personal life were falling apart. Being a Christian who struggles with pornography was difficult enough, but now I was pastoring a church.
The stakes were higher. So was the shame.
Then, I made an important discovery that changed everything.
It turns out, my approach to getting free was all wrong.
Everything I tried up until that point focused on the external.
Device usage, web screening, behaviour modification, trigger management, the list goes on. On the outside, it looked like I was doing all of the right things to get free.
But the real problem was internal.
Porn is fake connection. In my situation, it was medicine for feeling neglected. But medication is not the same as a cure. Medications treat the symptoms of the problem, cures treat the cause once and for all.
All of those external solutions were like taking a lawnmower to a patch of weeds.
The yard looks clean for about a day.
Then the weeds grow back. Thicker and pricklier.
That’s what I was doing with my pornography issue. I was cutting the weeds instead of uprooting them. No wonder I was going around in circles!
When you overemphasize the external and undervalue the internal, cycles are inevitable.
As long as I only dealt with the behaviour, and not the root issues, I was bound to keep struggling. I had to address the heart of the matter.
It’s not the easiest journey, but here’s what I can say – as soon as I started dealing with my belief system, everything changed. I experienced more freedom in a month than I had in years.
I started to think clearly. My emotions stabilized. I made better decisions. And I was resisting temptation with greater ease.
I felt confident. Shameless. Clean.
All because I finally focused on the roots of the problem.
While viewing pornography IS a behavioural issue, the reasons why someone chooses to watch is the real problem.
They’re also the greatest clue to finding a solution.
And once you follow these clues and tackle the root issues, the behaviour takes care of itself.
It’s been 5 years of freedom since I made that life-changing discovery. Once I addressed the root, reached a place of forgiveness for the issues of my past, and found healthier ways to experience meaningful connection, my life has changed dramatically. I’ve started a business, married the girl of my dreams & travelled the world encouraging others in their journey to freedom.
You can experience this kind of freedom, too.
All it requires is the bravery to look inside, a willingness to own the issues, and a trusted guide to lead you through the journey.
That’s why I’ve created DeepClean™, an online program that helps men get free of pornography through a systematic process. It took me 15 years to find out what really works, and now I share all I’ve discovered with men who want to be better husbands, fathers & men of God.
Cheering you on,